Preserve Family

Letterform

I just saw this Etsy photo of a print that looks like a mason jar. Initially my heart swelled with that oh-em-gee-so-cute-I-want-that-in-my-kitchen feeling. Then I remembered that my family doesn't have any recipes. Or fabulous heirlooms. Or wonderful traditions. Or attics full of forgotten treasure. Or special sayings and mottos. Or... well... anything. We all kind of just exist. Nothing is terribly sacred. We have a hutch full of someones pretty old dishes and stuff but I couldn't tell you whose it was. We have never used it. It never gets dusted. They just sit there in their wood and glass tomb.

This is what fuels my desires to be a mother. I so badly miss the traditions and family mottos I never had. I miss family treasures. I miss the idiosyncrasies that make a Braverman a Braverman (can't wait for the next season. I know they are actors but what they portray is real.) It is what fuels me to rescue thrift store antiques. I want to be a mother who celebrates birthdays with gusto. I want to fix this broken lineage of people who just disappear. I want to pass something on to people that sticks with them in the best way. I carry a lot of hurt from my family. They are rubber and I am glue. I want my children to catch themselves doing something just the way I did it as they raise their own families. Is it weird to feel this way? Children aren't on the horizon for a few years and I'm already thinking about my grandkids. I will be the start of a new line. Where things are special and respected. I know stuff is just stuff but I think we ought to be able to hold something our great-great-great-grandmothers held if we treat a few sacred things with care. The cake cutting set we chose for the wedding isn't flashy at all. It isn't fine silver or ivory. It is simple metal, sold by Macy's with Martha Stewart's name on the box. The handles look like twigs and I love them. I hope these simple utensils are used again throughout the years and become engrained in the minds of my children. I hope they get passed along as a reminder of all the good times.

Summer is rolling in

Just stopping by for a quick hello.

I have not felt much like blogging lately. Not that I've blogged much so far. I just keep starting a post and then delete it and let a few more days pass.

Invitations went out after my last update. Responses are trickling in. It is so disheartening to eagerly go to the mailbox day after day and not find any RSVP cards waiting for me.  I dread making phone calls (always feel like I'm bothering the person) so I hope people follow through!!! It is fun to hilight people off my list as they come in. Thank you, early repliers :)

This weekend we are going camping. The whole fam damily. I used to love camping with my family when I was younger. We have not gone in years. I just don't feel like spending time with my family now. Isn't that TERRIBLE?! I just can't handle them right now. I don't feel very loved or respected by my parents. I feel like I need to pull away and just do me for a while. That is fine. It just feels bad. I know I should soak it in but all I really want to do is be alone lately. Meh. Fingers crossed it goes better than I expect.

We are set to close on the house next Friday. Did you see that? NEXT. FRIDAY!!!!!!!!! I am so unmotivated to pack. Today I just kept scrolling through photos of the house and daydreaming about "my counter tops" and "my ugly light fixture to replace" and "my bajillion bisque outlet covers" that I can't wait to replace. I mentally paint rooms and tear out carpet. I mentally unpack my pretty dishes and load them into "my dishwasher" and drink fresh brewed iced tea. I made it with hot water from the kettle on "my stove." Hell, I even checked Craig's List for a white gas stove today, because I don't like electric. Not that a new-to-us stove is high on the priority list right now, but since I was daydreaming anyway....
We bought paint last week. Buddy isn't made of money so we had to start small. We got paint for the kitchen (walls and cabinets) and dining room. I have an idea for the kitchen colors but no direction for the rest of the house. We did not get the paint tinted yet so this Libra girl still has plenty of freedom to flip flop her visions!

Next Sunday is the wedding shower. I am excited but shy. I am not very comfortable being the center of attention. Also, I LOATHE opening gifts in front of people. It freaks me out! I am not ungrateful at all, and I adore watching people open gifts from me. I just feel so awkward. And I don't know how fast to open. Too slow, too fast.

Oh! I had my first dress fitting on Sunday. Still fits. We made great progress with the construction of the top. My tattoos are diffused, which is exactly what I wanted. I don't want to cover my tattoos with makeup or something and try to pretend they aren't there. I also don't want the bluebird on my shoulder and the black and gray wings on my back to be the first thing I see in every wedding photo. The alterations will perfectly cover the ink while remaining sheer and lovely. I felt covered and secure without feeling like I was being swallowed up in fabric. I will see the the real deal at the next fitting. I'm very happy. It should also be hemmed and have the bustle done. Once the straps are attached I'll be good to go!! 

I can't wait. Best summer of my life is officially under way :)

Crack that whip

This wedding stuff is getting really real, really fast.

Yesterday marked 2 months until the big day. I am not prepared.

I have to send out invitations, like... yesterday. I spent last night hand addressing the envelopes, applying stamps to envelopes and post cards, and trying to inconspicuously write numbers on the back of the response cards. I ended with a cramped up dinosaur claw for a hand. Still waiting for the direction cards from the designer (my super talented sister, Emily.) Once those are here I can assemble these puppies andsend them on their merry way.

Next weekend is my first alterations appointment. Can't wait to see what we can do to customize my dress!

I'm trying to help Matt decide on a groomsman gift for each of the guys but it is hard! Everything we think of is either Cheesy with a capitol C or super lame.

The main gifts for my ladies are here and ready to be wrapped up. I love them. Will share after I give them. I'm still looking for little odds and ends to really personalize them.

I purchased Matt's wedding gift!!!! It is perfect! I cannot wait to see his face when he sees it. He is going to be so excited. PS we're doing a first look so yes, I will see his face.

We still need to plan the ceremony wording. Finalize/finish decor. Choose music. Schedule the day for the photographer. Choose cake flavor. Purchase favor supplies. Finish Matt's outfit. I know there is so much more but I can't think of it right now.

Currently I'm trying to plan the rehearsal dinner. It is proving to be very frustrating.

Let's take a moment to recenter and focus on the positive:

Here is a sneak peek. My gorgeous reproduction jadeite cake stand, vintage birdie salt and pepper shakers for the cake topper, handmade table number, and vintage yellow table cloth for the cake table. It is going to be beautiful and fun. My happy place.

Matt and I just had an impromptu Britney dance party (Til the world ends) so life is still pretty good.